10 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE December 28, 2001

eveningsout

David Kopay looks at the years since he came out

by Kaizaad Kotwal

Heroes these days, real heroes anyways, are in short supply, especially in a world where integrity is a scarce commodity and where celebrity is grossly mistaken for heroism. Heroes dare to do the unthinkable. They take bold steps where few, if any, have gone before. They are trailblazers, burning bright and brilliantly, leaving behind for others a clearly illuminated path in which to follow suit.

Heroes are all the more remarkable when they take their somewhat unremarkable origins and turn them into exemplary touchstones because of which the world is better off. David Kopay, by all these criteria, fits the bill.

After a ten-year NFL career as a running back for the Washington Redskins, the Detroit Lions, the San Francisco 49ers, and the Green Bay Packers, Kopay broke the silence, becoming the first major male athlete to come out as gay in 1976.

This is the 25th anniversary of the original publication of The David Kopay Story (cowritten by Perry Deane Young), which chronicles the life of the athlete, and even

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now this story seems brave, beyond its time and a beacon of hope for those still beleaguered by life in the closet.

On the Sunday he was interviewed for this piece, Kopay was dealing with chronic pain, mostly from herniated discs and a damaged hip from the days when he was a kicker at the University of Washington. Kopay refers to this as "the paradox with my health as of late," because, while he loves the notoriety and success that football has brought him, his body today is a constant reminder of the brutality of the game.

Kopay refers to the recent death of Minnesota Viking Corey Stringer due to exhaustion and sunstroke. "I get goose bumps when I think of that," he admits.

"I was lucky," he concluded, "that I survived and I think that with events like Stringer's death that the folks in football are rethinking their priorities."

As a youngster and then an NFL player, Kopay's priorities were always to work hard, "to be totally focused, a driven nut of a football player." He had to work very hard to "overcome my normal fears and anxieties, because naturally I am a soft guy and not a tough guy."

One 'Inch' for one more weekend

Cleveland-Hedwig and the Angry Inch, the final show in Cleveland Public Theatre's Gay Artists Series, is running through the end of the

year.

Phenomenal performances by Dan Folino as Hedwig, costume designer Alison

Hernan in an extra gender-bending twist as Yitzhak, Hedwig's husband and roadie, and a phenomenal band of local talent featuring musical director Dennis Yurich, Melanie Fioritto, Mark Gamiere, Steve

Mehlman and Michael Seevers highlight the production of the off-Broadway cult hit.

The film version of the musical was released on video and DVD December 11, and is available across the state.

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Today, Kopay lives in the prestigious neighborhood of Hancock Park in Los Angeles and sells floor covering, working at his uncle's company.

"This is the same conservative uncle Bill," he notes, "whose wife, after I came out, asked me: What is your next publicity stunt going to be?"

Kopay's post-coming out life proved difficult not only because of his celebrity status but also in that finding a job proved to be problematic.

"Everyone was worried about being identified as a gay company in hiring me. I was too straight for the gay world and too gay for the straight world." His uncle Bill knew that he would do well in the flooring business.

Kopay said his uncle always knew that he was gay. "I asked him when he knew, and he told me that he always knew from the time of my confirmation when I was twelve or thirteen."

Kopay enjoys the work and has made some of his best friends through the

THE

DAVID KOPAY

STORY

the coming-out story that made football history

BY DAVID KOPAY AND PERRY DEANE YOUNG

business. Kopay admits that he doesn't really have to keep working because he has "gotten financially comfortable over the years with the NFL pension and some wise real estate investments."

"I got a lot of hate mail when I came out," he recounts, "from good Christians and all those people with good souls. They wanted to see me suffer, to never do financially well and to be the scourge of the world."

Today, as the story of his life celebrates its 25th anniversary, Kopay marvels at how "the life of this little football player who carried a small ball under his arm has always been intertwined with the GLBT community."

"You know when people come up to me and say, 'You were so brave'," he opines, "that may be true but I was also angry and pissed off and all those things too."

Kopay has painful memories of his parent's constant fights and squabbles. "It's not to say that love wasn't there," he muses, "but it was very hidden and ugly and repressed."

Like any young and "very sensitive child," he would have liked his parents to have been more thoughtful about how their rage towards each other was impacting his develop-

ment.

Before Kopay's father succumbed to the ravages of Alzheimer's, he was able to reconcile the relationship to a degree. "My father was actually able to say 'I love you' to me many times in his last few years," Kopay remembered, “something he had never done for most of his life."

"My mother has learned a lot over the years and she is still totally Catholic. So we don't talk about religion because we both get too passionate about it,” he said. Perhaps the hardest thing for his mother has been "coming to grips with me being out there and speaking out."

The same could be said about the world of athletics and in Kopay's case the NFL. Even though the sports world has made some strides in the area of sexuality, that milièú, almost 30 years later, "is still very restrictive and protective of what they perceive as to what makes up masculinity."

However, Kopay also knows that a lot of the homophobia present in organizations like the NFL is a result of "the front offices being protective of those in the front offices who are gay. I know that this was very true in the case of the Redskins."

But Kopay says that outing athletes as a

strategy of social awareness and political change is dangerous. "I am not in favor of it and I know I couldn't do it," he says, "because it could push someone over the edge. Who would want to be responsible for an individual slipping into a lifelong depression or self-destructing in other ways?"

Kopay's message to young athletes is "to enjoy the game and enjoy what you are doing. Get in touch with the fun of your work." Kopay also urges these young athletes to "be as healthy as possible and to stay away from stimulants and steroids because they will destroy you."

To gay athletes Kopay has this to say: "Find your support system, know your friends and be a good friend." With a bit of wistfulness creeping into his voice he emphasizes, "Cherish your friends and tell them you love 'em."

Kopay acknowledges that celebrity has interfered with his quest of finding true love.

"It's funny," he acknowledges, "to be so famous, or should I say infamous, for what comes so naturally to me."

Looking at the newly-designed cover for his reissued biography, a 1978 photograph by George Dureau, Kopay laughs, "Oooh baby, isn't it hot!"

Then he returns to that longing for a special someone. "To all those single guys who like the slightly older guy, I'm listening," he says.

Kopay is in many ways an accidental activist but an important one nonetheless. Even today his activism continues unabated in a world that has made many changes since his coming out. But most of all, Kopay seems really passionate about what he calls "domestic terrorism.”

"Parents need to give to their kids," he explains, "give them love and understanding and acceptance, because domestic terrorism leads to many destroyed kids with self-esteem and self awareness problems. These kids need to be allowed to be who they are, first by their parents."

What Kopay wishes for in the future is "to be as healthy and pain-free as possible" so that he can travel more. Almost 26 years after coming out Kopay continues to be a rare breed.

His book ends, "It's a new life for me now-without football, living openly as a homosexual. But I'm facing it with the strength of an honest man. And that's got to be a good beginning."